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More Wood Society By Laws
Or better put - Laws by Chuck
General Rules
No Women Allowed!!
What happens at the campout stays at the campout
That means you Fire God!! That whole disclosure of the meaning of the VCFH still shakes the foundation of this fine organization.
There is only one Exalted Leader – so sit down!
Knives are welcome and always displayed so we can all gaze at them. Guns are out because the Rangers frown on them.
Membership Requirements
You must be a male over 21 to be accepted into the More Wood Society
To prove your manhood you will be subjected to a blood test that will determine if you have less then 1 part per million of estrogen in your bloodstream. The 1 part takes into consideration that your mother was part of the creation process in the first place.
You must be invited to a More Wood Camp Out and pass the Initiation Process.
More on the initiation later –
The invite can come from any member in good standing with the prior approval of the Exalted Leader.
Anyone coming into the campsite without prior authorization will be sent away to get us more beer, and some desert, and that desert better be good. It’s tough to beat Jacks homemade pies. So you better hope we like it or it’s cooler slamming time in More Wood Ville!! />
As a Member you will be asked to complain about your spouse, girl friend, last nights hooker, dancer at the strip club, women at work, or any other member of the female gender and enjoy it. Any woman can be complained about, except your mother. Mothers are the only sacred females at more wood, and hey stupid this does not include the mother of you children, she is not your mother, she is their mother, and therefore fair game! ( this is where what happens at the campout stays at the campout comes in – don’t forget)
Levels of Membership
Exalted Leader – only one that’s me, and when I retire you will have to answer to one of my sons. This is not an elected position.
Exalted Leader Benefits
The exalted leader does not follow he leads which really means he tells everyone what to do!
No one can overrule the Exalted Leader
Sorry, you want a democracy join the DAR, or a Girl Scout Troop!
Founding Member
You had to be there in October 1992 to be in this club!
There are only 5 Founding members.
The Exalted Leader
Glenn Green
Craig Green
Steve Davidson – the former fire god
Some Guy named Jerry – never seen after 1992
Founding Member Benefits
Cannot be sanctioned
Gets a chance to verbally abuse the new guy as soon as he arrives. They are like the welcoming committee but in a ball busting way!
Doesn’t have to wash dishes
Can suggest new food items, but the Exalted has the final say.
( man this exalted guy has a lot of power)
Loyal Member
You have to have attended 5 More Wood Campouts in a row
Which means this requires dedication to the cause of having fun, not dedication to the honey do list.
Loyal member benefits
Can be sanctioned – doesn’t sound like a benefit, but frankly being sanctioned is funny.
Member
You have to have passed the New Guy Initiation.
You have to come to at least two More Wood Campouts in a row.
Member Benefits
No longer the new guy, that’s it, believe me that’s enough
New Guy
Here’s the part about the initiation process –
The new guy must not speak to the exalted leader unless he is spoken to
The new guy must never anger the exalted leader
Never, and I mean Never talk back to the exalted leader during your initiation process. Only Bill got away with that because the Exalted leader was off his game that day.
The new guy must go to the cooler and retrieve food or beverage on command from any member.
If the cooler lid slams down on the new guys hands trapping him there he must not scream when we sees Kip coming up behind him! To steal a line from a movie – We’re not homosexuals, but Kip is willing to try! – Just kidding Kip!! Don’t worry new guy it’s all worth it.
The new guy must wash dishes
The new guy must not bring a knife bigger then the exalted leaders knife. Check with the person who invited you to be safe. The consequences of bringing the wrong knife are , well to much to mention here, you have been warned!
You must take you place at the fire, and that place is down wind from Jack. Once the gasses start leaving his body and floating over your senses you cannot leave or complain.
Attendance Rules
There are only two acceptable reasons for not coming to a More wood Camp out.
Your death
The birth of your child
That’s it, that’s all no other excuses will be accepted by the exalted leader.
Listen up people no more I have to go to a wedding, I have to watch the kids, I am busy building a deck, these are all stupid honey do bullshit excuses, and they don’t count.
All that is required to meet this rule is simple calendar planning
You must attend all more wood campouts no exceptions – come on already they are only twice a year, that’s what calendars are for and the word NO. Practice this – NO Dear I won’t be home that weekend I will be camping with the More Wood guys. Then a, You got that! under your breath of course!
All More Wood Campouts are always at the same time every year
The fourth weekend in April – Spring Trip
The last full weekend in September –
For those who are confused by this last one it means the last weekend in September when Saturday, and Sunday are both in September.
Camp Out Rules
Once again, what happens or what is said at the campout stays at the campout even if your wife or girlfriend promises you sex every day for a year because believe me they won’t hold up there end of the bargin.
The camp sites will be chosen by the exalted leader
Be ready to eat
Be Ready to get verbally abused
Don’t bring any girly items into camp like –
Flower print pillow cases
Flower print chairs
Tissues
Nice silverware from home – bring the crap you will probably lose it anyway.
Don’t park more then two cars on a site – sorry had to say that! The Ranger told me to say that!
No foul language before you get there we need it after you arrive it makes what you say funnier.
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Dues
The money for the camp out are the dues
And for once in your lives pay me a week or so ahead of time so I don’t have to chase you for the money.
Suggestion Box
There is none.
Sacred Objects of the More Wood Society
Big Pan
Fire Poker
The sacred grill
More Wood Banner
Pie
WATCH FOR FUTURE BY LAW CHANGES
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The More Wood Sacred Grill is still hanging in there.
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Jumbo Shrimp with hot sause
made with fresh horseradish!
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Mike has evil thoughts regarding what to do with the More Wood Rip Van Winkle
All text and images on this page copyright More Wood Camp Out.
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My wife drives me nuts, me too, yeah and me too. Norm, maybe if you keep drinking beer it will get better!
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